Take a look at this commercial by UbyKotex.  It shows how ridiculously male-driven the media is in this day and age.  Although a menstrual cycle or for better lack of words, a period, is a normal thing that all women get (which is half of the world population), television  broadcasting companies still refuse to allow tampon and pad commercials to say the word “tampon” or “vagina”.  Our society seems to take on this NATURAL occurrence of the female body as a sham, similar to the “don’t ask don’t tell” slogan in the military regarding homosexuals.  The above commercial was also initially refused by three different broadcasting companies because it included the word “vagina”. Even after Kotex changed the script to say “down there”, two of three broadcasters refused to air the commercial.  The UbyKotex commercial’s purpose isn’t a “look what they [other tampon commercials] are doing”, but rather “look what we’ve done in the past” (Andrew Meurer, VP for North American feminine, adult and senior care for Kotex’s parent company, Kimberly-Clark).  It serves as sort of a parody of what tampon commercials are, while at the same time, attempting to adapt a more direct approach towards periods.

“Fem-care advertising is so sterilized and so removed from what a period is,” said Elissa Stein, co-author (with Susan Kim) of the book “Flow: The Cultural Story of Menstruation.” “You never see a bathroom, you never see a woman using a product. They never show someone having cramps or her face breaking out or tearful — it’s always happy, playful, sporty women.” And this is true,  I mean, a show of hands, who feels like dancing in white spandex while on their period? Another peculiar trend I noticed in all the tampon and pad commercials was the substitution of red to blue liquid.  As for me, I have never seemed to encounter this “mysterious” blue liquid.  Why does our society feel so uncomfortable, as if being on your period is such a sham?

Take a look at a few social experiments that UbyKotex has posted on its website.

I feel like UbyKotex is going in the right direction, trying to promote awareness of periods and female-health.  Check out their website: www.ubykotex.com.  You can take the pledge, where every girl that signs, they will donate $1 towards Girls For A Change, a nonprofit organization that empowers young women to take the initiative for social change.

I just took the pledge, your turn

One problem I had with this music video was the affirmation of gender roles in our society.  She claims that “if she were a boy” then lists all of the stereotypical things guys do.  Women should and are able to do these things as well, they’re just not considered “lady-like”.  I know the message Beyonce was trying to get out to the public meant well, but even in the most pro-female popular music video I can find today still struggles with assigning certain roles to men and women.  At the end of the day, viewers take home that girls are supposed to always be understanding to men’s misdemeanors and men are able to go off and “romp” around with coworkers and expect the women in their lives to accept these offenses as “just the way men are”.

What do you guys think?

About 25 years ago, I asked a long-time battered women’s advocate whose work I respected why eliminating sexism appeared to be so much tougher than dealing with other forms of socially based discrimination. Her response bears repeating: “Because messages about sexism usually begin at home.”

She went on to explain that addressing sexism requires each person to examine the culturally defined, gender-based roles that they play in their most important relationships (parent/child, marriage/partnership, brother/sister). In other words, challenging the status quo with regard to sexism does not simply mean signing a petition, attending a rally, or otherwise speaking out. It means taking a good hard look at our own lives and the roles we have chosen (or had foisted upon us), and therefore, the ideas about women and men that we are passing on to our children. At the time that I asked the question, it meant taking risks with a partner or family member as you pushed beyond socially defined limits to negotiate the paths less traveled by your gender.

Times have changed (thank goodness), and I delight in the new young fathers I see pushing their babies in strollers around the neighborhood, tackling the responsibilities of daycare, and showing up for school outings. I am thrilled that so many young women have taken advantage of the educational and workplace opportunities provided by the first and second waves of feminism.

Yet sexism remains, playing out in the way women are portrayed by the media; in films, television, and advertising; and of course, through sexist remarks. More subtly, in many homes, the traditional gender roles remain firmly in place, with dad washing the car or mowing the lawn, mom cooking dinner, grandpa cutting the turkey at Thanksgiving, and grandma shopping for the new grandbaby.

Even if you love every one of the “more traditional” roles that you have adopted in your family of origin or creation, it may be time to reflect on how watching you in those roles may impact your children’s choices. Will your daughter grow up to design new, and hopefully ecologically sound, automobiles if she never develops a passion for cars? Will your son learn to cook if he witnesses Dad tying on the apron only for a backyard barbecue? Does Uncle Bill suggest that the women clean up after a family dinner while the men retire to watch the football game? Do you encourage your daughters and nieces to join them?

As a country that appears more interested in whether Michelle Obama bares her arms at political functions than in her amazingly dignified and engaging performance as First Lady, it seems that we still have a ways to go where sexism is concerned. And changing outdated sexist ideas begins at home. So start by asking yourself the following questions:

1. If I have chosen the more traditional male or female roles at home or work, do I expose my children to successful and happy men and women who have made different choices?
2. Do I actively (and visibly) support my partner, family members, and friends when they make choices that do not fit neatly into traditional gender roles?
3. Do I consider how my comments about women and men might affect my children’s thinking about the choices they have available to them (or the value that we place on girls and boys)?
4. Do I talk with my children about the value to our community (and the world) of encouraging women and men to use their skills or otherwise contribute in ways that go beyond traditional gender roles?
5. Do I address the sexist remarks my children encounter—at school and family events, or in other situations—either in the moment or with them later privately, as appropriate?

Then decide to make a change, if you need to (and I suspect most of us do), in the messages that you convey to your children about women and men—through both what you say and what you do. Because if sexism begins at home, then home is where we need to stop it.